A couple months ago, I had a bad day. We had a month of sickness in the house, I was off schedule, and I was trying to finish writing my book. As Caitlin napped, I journaled that day. My journal entry came to mind, and has been a good reminder for me today. Though the storm I faced that day differs from the storm I am in today, one thing remains constant:
His word is unchanging. Unwavering. Constant.
I had some alone time tonight, driving to deliver a meal to a family in our life group. On this drive, I listened to my worship music. I sang, and I cried. On the way home, I sought out a song I love. It’s a song I downloaded on that day a few months ago, and a song I desperately needed tonight.
This part in particular:
“I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries ‘Glory
Hallelujah, Father, You’re Here!”
I listened to this over and over, and sobbed.
I cried tears of sadness for the storm I’m in.
I cried tears of disbelief that God loves me so much, He is present even when I feel like pushing Him away.
I cried as I sang “Glory, Hallelujah, Father, You’re Here!”
Today, I felt God’s presence. Today, I knew He was with me. I felt peace.
This peace is unexplainable. I can’t accurately describe the feeling. Only someone who has experienced it can understand . . . and if you haven’t, and you are in the middle of a storm, be praying and drawing near to Him so you can experience it.
Let me tell you, though, what this peace is NOT.
It is NOT an absence of sadness.
It is NOT an answer to my question “why, Lord?”
It is NOT the end of my grief.
But this peace, it gives me hope in my sadness. Hope in my questioning. Hope in my grief.
Back in February, I journaled: “I want to glorify You, in all that I do. Restore me. Refresh me. Heal me. Help me. You are my rock. My strength.”
Today, my prayer is the same. A different storm, but the same prayer. Lord, I want to glorify You in the midst of devastation. Restore me. Refresh me. Heal me. Help me. You are my rock. My strength.
“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.” Psalm 62:6-7
Blessings, dear friends.