Remembering the Reason

In preparation for the upcoming conference I am blessed to attend, I listened in on the first of two conference calls.  These calls are designed to help all of the participants navigate our very short and important publisher meetings.  I knew I’d either hang up feeling encouraged or discouraged, and praise God it very much encouraged me!  

One of my favorite parts of the call was the beginning.  It was as if Glynis had been in my head and spoke to every single doubt.  I imagine all of us attending this conference have doubts.  Stepping out in obedience to God opens us up for spiritual attack.  The enemy doesn’t want us to succeed, so he whispers to us and attacks our confidence.  He whispers lies, encourages us to compare ourselves to others who share in our calling.  It is something I have been struggling with a lot, and the numbness of grief has left me further behind in my preparation than I’d like to be.  However, I trust that I am where God needs me to be.  He knew everything that would happen before it did, and so I’m trying to hold firm and continue to walk in obedience. 

Lately, one of the strategies the enemy has employed is to make me question whether or not I heard God’s call correctly.  I’ve been praying for His vision for my life, and last night I was reminded of the time I heard Him. 

Early on in my quest for a real relationship with Christ, I asked God to reveal to me my testimony: that one moment when I just knew I needed Christ.  I’d been a believer my whole life, so I just needed God to pick out the moment from my past that solidified my faith for me.  Unbeknownst to my arrogant self at this time, I hadn’t yet experienced it.  Though I believed, I didn’t realize I needed him yet.  This didn’t happen until halfway through my last pregnancy, when I was told there was a chance my baby may have severe health issues.  On that day, after a devastating phone call regarding my recent ultrasound, I surrendered my life to Christ and proclaimed my trust in His plan, no matter where life took me.  After some testing, we discovered Caitlin was not facing any serious issues such as chromosomal abnormalities or heart issues.  We still had some questions that wouldn’t be answered until birth, but God strengthened me during this time.  I was put on bed rest at 28 weeks, which was another trying time in which I looked to God for strength.

Two days before my scheduled c-section, in the middle of a nap, I felt God’s call.  Remember when you asked for your testimony?  I gave it to you.  Share it.  This is the clearest I have ever heard God speak to me (to date).  All of my life I have had a passion for writing, but never knew what to write.  From there, I started occasionally blogging but more often than not convinced myself I wasn’t good enough.  When we moved to Ohio, after working through the grief of the move, God put this project on my heart: modern day idolatry and how Satan uses our desires against us.  It took me a mere six months to write a draft, my proof that I hadn’t heard God wrong because he continually supplied me with words and stories for my book.  His book.  Wherever this journey takes me, I know God is in control.  He will fulfill His purpose for me if I continue to take steps in obedience.

Maybe you’ve had a similar experience?  Have you felt a strong nudge from God to move, to do something for His kingdom?  If you have, but feel doubts overwhelming you, know this: God equipped you.  God wants you to be obedient, and in His perfect timing it will all come together.  Remind yourself of the time you heard Him, and hold on to that confidence.  The enemy tries to distract what only God can perfect.

Blessings 💕

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