I sat on the floor of my closet today and sobbed. Ever been there? Maybe you are sitting in that spot beside me right now.
Despite my best efforts, I again find myself overwhelmed, stressed, and defeated. Nothing seems to be working. I’m failing at everything. So, I go to my closet and fall to the floor. I cry out to God. I spill out my heart, my frustrations, and my fears.
Gracious God, He never turns His back. With nothing but patience and love, He listens to my cries. He instantly starts to fill me with peace. It’s in these moments I feel closest to Him. Why? Because it’s quiet, and I have tossed aside all my distractions to cry out to Him.
As soon as I compose myself, He whispers to my heart. Stop trying to be in control. It’s a huge fault of mine. I like to feel in control. I tell God I surrender, but I don’t completely let go.
Here’s what crying out to God and sitting with Him in the quiet revealed:
– I can’t run at the same pace as my new author friends. Their journey is not mine. While having new friends who love to write is amazing, it is also tough. Suze Eller touched on this in a Compel blog post today. I find myself comparing my progress to theirs. I am so happy for them and celebrate their successes, but then the enemy whispers you can’t do it.
– Writing used to be a source of happiness, and lately is has been a source of stress. And I’m not even writing! Instead, I’ve been too focused on trying to force a platform. I tell God I trust Him, but my actions scream the opposite. This journey is to glorify God, not me. I haven’t been asking Him for guidance, but instead doing what I want and praying He allows me to have success.
– I prayed before my publisher appointments for God to either open a door or shut it, based on His will for my life. He opened a door: a publisher asked for a book proposal, and I have spent no time working on it. In fact, I’m living the exact opposite of how I encourage others to live in my book! God gently reminded me of this, and I see how easy it is for me to fall victim to the distractions around me.
Fix your eyes on me, He whispers. I know the truths in my heart: He called me, He will equip me, and His will happen in His time. I know them, but I’m not trusting them.
Today, a song has been running through my head. You can listen to it here. I keep hearing the lines: “Can I sit here at your feet? ‘Cause this is right where I belong.” I need to be sitting more at the feet of Jesus and less on social media. I need to be praying more, and scrolling less. I need to be sitting in the quiet, listening for God’s voice instead of following the standards of the world.
Let’s sit at His feet for a while.