Can I be incredibly honest tonight?
Getting a “no” from God stinks.
My family prayed and prayed for a yes. I don’t mean once a day. I don’t mean every now and then. I mean we consistently and constantly prayed. I prayed for this *maybe* more than I have for anything. With each prayer, I surrendered: not my will, Lord, but Your will be done.
Well, God’s will and my desire didn’t match.
And it stinks.
I️ have cried. I have struggled with Him. I leaned on a couple sweet friends, one of whom gave me permission to be angry. Honestly? It really helped to hear that.
Bottom line is, I know if God closed the door, it wasn’t for us. I get it. But, that doesn’t make it sting any less. It feels like a rejection, and rejection is not easy. I believed with all my heart we’d get a yes.
So here I find myself, angry and confused. I don’t get it. What did I do wrong? How could I have prayed differently to get a yes?
In the quiet, He whispers to me. I’ve got this. My ways are better. I understand your tears, and I am bottling them up. This experience will not be wasted. Trust, sweet child.<<
raised Him, through tears, for the closed door. I praised Him for not allowing us to go down a path that He didn't intend for us to walk. He knows my heart, the heart of my family, and I am choosing to trust Him.
It’s a choice with each and every prayer answered with a no, or not now. Choose trust, or choose to walk away.
I am holding firm. It’s not always easy. I may continue to shed some tears. I might have to force myself to open my Bible and pray. But I will not give up.