How – Day 10

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Difficult seasons will make or break our faith. On March 30, 2017, I took my kids to school and dropped them off. I forgot my phone that morning. When I returned home, I saw a couple missed calls from my father in law and a group text asking my husband to call him. Sensing the urgency, I called my father in law to let him know Troy was in a meeting. He told me he had spoken to him already. I remember asking if everything was okay, and then hearing him speak words that will forever haunt me: my mother in law, Lorrie, passed away.

Memories of the next days come in flashes:

Talking to my husband on the phone and realizing this wasn’t a joke.

My legs giving out, falling to my knees in the kitchen and crying out to God to fix it. “This is not real, Lord. You can fix this. Only You. Please let this be a dream.”

Seeing my husband come in the door with a devastatingly sad, shocked expression.

Standing beside him after he brought our kids home from school and told them the news.

Watching my oldest daughter fall apart, further crushing an already broken heart.

The silent drive to West Virginia.

Not knowing what to say to my father in law.

Talking to Lorrie as I lay in bed that night, wondering how in the world this happened.

Trying to be strong for my family, but completely losing it at the funeral home after seeing her.

Standing with my family as people came to pay their respects.

Watching out the window of the car as we drove to the funeral home. Thanking God for the car that pulled to the side out of respect. Wondering how people were just going on with their days.

How I made it through those days, weeks, and first year can only be credited to God. He carried me through, and He strengthened me. He held me, comforted me, allowed me to be angry, and bottled every last tear.

In the difficult times, lean in. God is there, waiting for you.

In pursuit of Him,

Jennifer

*This is part of the writing challenge hosted by Five Minute Friday. Check it out and join in the fun!

**This was a really hard one for me to write, but it is what came to me when I sat down. Grief is real, it is hard, and it never goes away. If you are grieving, check out check out this post and and this post.**

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