“You are good, good, oh, you are good, good, oh.”
The worship leader crooned out these lyrics while the congregation around me joined their voices in uplifted praise to a Good God. I crossed my arms and fought back bitter tears. I closed my eyes and lifted my head.
“You are not good. I will not sing this song. I will not praise You, God. This is not good.”
I wrestled with God. Why would a Good God take away my beautiful mother-in-law so suddenly? We didn’t even have the opportunity to say goodbye. I grieved while supporting my husband, who lost his mom. I cried with my daughter, who lost her grandmother. My heart broke for my father-in-law. It didn’t make sense and I couldn’t understand it.
Recently, I found myself again listening to a worship leader belt out these lyrics while the church full of women around me lifted their voices in praise to our Father. It has been 22 months since Lorrie passed, and as this song began I felt God nudge me. Remember? I closed my eyes, lifted my head to Heaven, and joined in the song. My wrestling taught me life isn’t always good, but God is. My relationship with Christ has grown immeasurably since Lorrie passed away. The grief my family continues to experience is very real, but I now know I am grieving with hope. She has been healed and her body restored, and she spends her days with Jesus. I selfishly wish she were still here; she eagerly awaits the day we are all reunited with her.
I’ve witnessed so much death over the past two years. Mothers, fathers, husbands, daughters have all been taken from loved ones and acquaintances of mine. Each death ushers in the question, “Why, God?” I’m learning to simply trust Him. We may never know this side of eternity why God called our loved ones home. One day, though, I believe Jesus will show us. I believe there is a Kingdom impact: Someone will gain eternal life because of our devastating loss. I don’t expect that to bring much comfort, though. We have tunnel-vision down here on this broken earth. God has a much different vantage point; His ways and thoughts are higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9).
If you find yourself in a season of grieving, I encourage you to do so with hope. Run to Jesus. Give Him your anger and your questions. I promise you this: He can handle it. You are not alone. God is with you, bottling each of your tears (Psalm 56:8).
Heavenly Father – You are good, good, oh. You are good, good, oh. I pray You would wrap Your loving arms around all of those who are grieving. Show them Your comfort and reveal to them Your presence. Lord, when the night is holding on and the grief threatens to overwhelm, whisper into their hearts that You will never let them go. Your ways are higher, Your thoughts are better. You know the answers our hearts so desperately want revealed. I pray You would fill the grieving souls with peace and hope. I pray these grieving souls would run to You and hold on to You. Cling to you. Grasp on to You with all they have, for You are Hope. I pray one day, all those who are grieving will be able to lift their heads and hearts in worship to you: You are good, good, oh. You are good, good, oh. In Jesus’ name, Amen.